Andrea Patten

And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.

The Mending Wall, by Robert Frost

When considering boundaries I’m rarely surprised when the phrase “Good fences make good neighbors” shows up in my brain.

Just what are boundaries, anyway? Experts say they are a combination of rules, limits, and standards that help define a personal code. They help us choose who is in our lives and at what distance. That code helps us know how to respond if someone oversteps those boundaries. Feeling unsafe or uncomfortable can be a signal that our boundaries are being breached. 

Each individual gets to define the boundaries that work for them: some people love hugs from strangers while others find the same warm gesture from friends a bit needy and intrusive. A personal code is exactly that: unique, individual and highly personal. And since its parts are a combination of upbringing, culture, experience, values, attitudes, and beliefs, that makes a lot of sense.

Boundaries are Bi-Directional

Personal boundaries are bi-directional — affecting both what is given and what is taken. So what kind of boundaries do we set with — and for — ourselves?

Is there a painful, annoying, or humiliating scene you revisit? Call it to your consciousness.  Get a good clear picture, making sure you are IN it. (Not an observer but a participant.) When you have it clearly in mind picture yourself picking up a very big bucket. It looks a lot like a paint bucket but it’s full of powerful, healing white light. Imagine yourself picking up a paintbrush or a roller, the bigger the better. Dip it into your magic bucket, loading it up with the white light to paint a great, big white “X” over any part of the scene makes you uncomfortable. Keep going until it’s only you, positive parts of the story and lots of white light. (This is practice for a boundary that removes hurtful elements from your environment.) 

Here’s one that works best when you’re feeling pretty good but headed for a situation that has potential to be draining or stressful: you have “butterflies.” Take a moment to notice the sensation and where it is located in your body. Some people feel a vibration, others feel pressure or heat. It might be in your spine, your abdomen or your chest — any place is fine. Notice it and appreciate it. Call it “energy,” “power,” or “life force.” Now call in the white light only this time there is a giant invisible hand directing the paint brush. The cool thing about this giant hand is that it responds to your telepathic direction so picture it encircling you, your family, your home, your car, your office, your family…. all with a sparkling circle of protective, healing white light. Go about your day knowing you’ve put divine protection in place.

A Little Woo-Woo Goes a Long Way

If you find the white light thing a little too “woo-woo,” perhaps you’d prefer something more concrete, like a spaceship? Raise your force field shields to fend off all the meteors, space debris and harsh judgment the world is flinging at you today. With your shields up you’re protected and ready to fly.

Blowing bubbles can be fun. They have a fun and funky energy that combines elements of light and of air. Picture yourself using an over-sized bubble loop. The next bubble you blow will expand with every out-breath. Enjoy watching it grow bigger and bigger until it surrounds you. What’s interesting about this bubble is that once you are safely inside, it takes a different form, still transparent but very strong. Unbreakable. It travels with you, helping you float above sticky situations while still seeing them clearly.

When people are feeling stressed they sometimes don’t feel it’s worth the energy it might take to make themselves immovable. So, rather than put a stake in the ground, we step aside until whatever kind of psychic storm is coming overtakes the path. That’s no good. Maybe taking a stand is too much work, but maybe imitating a tree could help — especially if we choose one that is rooted yet flexible enough to bend in a wind storm. 

Write a Better Ending

Finally, here’s one just for the writers in the crowd. Sometimes writing about grief or violence can be a little hard to shake so, when you’ve finished a particularly difficult scene, open a new document and re-write the worst parts. Give yourself and your character a happy ending — even if you trash it or save it in a file called “Transitions.” Let your imagination run wild. So what if your character has to turn into a flying, fire-eating dragon to escape the violence? Who cares if the love interest was unconscious rather than dead? Let it be. Finishing on this sort of a note lets you store a much more positive image as you shut things down and prepare to tackle your work again tomorrow. It couldn’t hurt, right?

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