That night, I gave a talk to a group of businesswomen. The topic was probably supposed to be how they could help victims of domestic violence.
I don’t think I was able to do that but I was apparently able to use our collective shock and disbelief as the basis for a pretty competent talk about what happens to people when they experience random violence. It changes them. It changed me.
I spent part of the next day with my grandfather. The national tragedy broke his heart. He said he couldn’t imagine anything worse. He gave up, let go, and left us a few days later.
[bctt tweet=”What happens to people when they experience random violence…” username=”AndreaPatten”]
When I went home it was to a man who was angry at the rest of us for ‘making such a big deal out of this thing.’ I shouldn’t have been surprised: he was always angry about something.
Violence changes people. It changed me.
[bctt tweet=”Violence changes people. It changed me.” username=”AndreaPatten”]
I no longer work in the field of child abuse and domestic violence: I had shut down and become a less effective human being. I am committed to doing things that work.
I wrote a book for parents — positive, uplifting, supportive.
My work now has to do with different ways to help people prepare for and respond to life’s ‘ups and downs.’ To be more resilient. More solution-focused. To think differently. To be themselves and to turn up the volume.
I got single in a hurry. I stayed that way for a long time. I created a single life that I loved. Quiet. Creative. Violence-free.
[bctt tweet=”I try to do things that bring joy and add value.” username=”AndreaPatten”]
I try to be more aware and more congruent — to do things that bring joy and add value. I do not view that as selfish but as necessary if I am going to improve anything for anyone else.
And when I wonder if I’m headed down the right road I think about how often the Dalai Lama laughs.
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Beautiful Andrea. I am so glad for you that you sifted direction and are moving towards joy. I think this is just as profound a choice as any other. Blessings.
Thanks, Reba. It was not an easy choice but a correct one for me.
Powerful writing. Powerful message.
Thank you….
What a wonderful reminder to hold on to: how the Dalai Lama laughs. A beautiful, powerful post.
Tender. Transparent. Thanks for sharing this so beautifully Andrea. I find your new direction inspiring!
Very kind of you, Lore. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing your inspirational journey. As a therapist, I saw how violence changed people. I am grateful that you are shining your light out into the world. Andrea
Life is an amazing adventure. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful light with the world Andrea. I agree..violence does change people. I still work with women of domestic abuse, so I know how much it affects them and me. I try to infuse joy, love and support for these women…but I know that is the least that I can do, compared to what they truly need. We all do our best.
xoxo, Z~