We know that when families grow and change it is not always by choice: divorce, job changes, relocation or re-marriage are not always choices that the entire extended family can agree on — or prepare for. The impact of those changes can rock our world in ways that we can’t imagine ahead of time. The foundation upon which our families have been built is tossed around like buildings in an earthquake.
[Tweet “Our family’s foundations can be tossed around like buildings in an earthquake.”]
While we may not choose the circumstances that create the change, we can always choose our response to it. Unfortunately, in our culture, most of us are not very good at making these changes, especially when we feel victimized by another’s decisions. In the midst of the shock and grief that accompany serious medical issues, or the hurt and anger that can go along with divorce, it can be really difficult to remember that we have choices — lots of them.
[Tweet “We may not choose the circumstances that bring change – we can choose our response.”]
“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where your are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” And while I’d like to take credit for such wise words, they are a favorite quote from Dale Carnegie.
[Tweet “What should we think about in times of personal upheaval?”]
So what should we think about in times of personal upheaval? I think that lots of us get into trouble by hanging on to ideas about some fictional perfect TV family – you know, the one we think everyone else has? Another common response is to keep our focus on the unfairness of the situation and relive with our friends, over and over again.
What would work better? People who, after surveying the damage and having a good cry, make a decision to ‘make the best’ of a situation always impress me. I find their approach inspiring and, frankly, would like to be better at that than I am.
A decision to shift focus from “why me “ to “what can I build that’s even better?” is an important first step. Do you believe that it is possible to salvage what’s still good, clear away the rubble and build something even stronger than what you had?
Let’s connect on social media.
10 Comments
Kerri Lyn
Andrea, I love this. It’s so true and a great reminder that the only thing we have control over is our reactions. I also love the easy-to-share tweet buttons – what a great way to help me help you and spread the word.
Andrea
Thanks for your comment — and for helping spread the word. 🙂
Pamela Henry
Taking a new perspective is so powerful and as simple as “what can I build that’s even better?”. Well said. Thank you Andrea!
Natasha Botkin
Due to a recent “family earthquake,” the reaction was super important to not lose it. Your comment of “A decision to shift focus from “why me “ to “what can I build that’s even better?” is an important first step,” says so much! Much Love, Natasha
Andrea
Glad to hear you’ve weathered your earthquake. Wishing you “smooth sailing” ahead. <3
Kellie R. Stone
Yes, it truly is about our reactions and our thoughts about the events of our life that make or break our bliss. Thanks for sharing this important article!
Keyra
Definitely think it’s possible! I’ve done it more times than I can count, and I pity, to some degree, those I see stuck in the “why me?” state. To a point, I try to be supportive, but I know I can only help by my example because persuasion doesn’t work until someone is ready to evolve.
ps. Also, like the tweet trick…is it a plugin?
Andrea
Exactly – that ‘walking the talk’ thing. Gets ’em every time – lol.
Yes, it is a plug-in. A cleverly titled one called…. “click to tweet.” Pretty good, huh?
Kailean Welsh
Great post, because if you haven’t had a family earthquake yet, odds are you will. That is the nature of life–our world will get rocked at some point or another. With more discussions like this post, maybe we could help people be better prepared.
sherill
Hi, Thanks for sharing a very positive approach in times of personal upheaval, thinking what we can do better is the best we can do. Great Read!