Aug 212019
 

Not long ago, I got together with a group of wonderful women friends. And, as is usual with this group, it took us a while to catch up on our “regular” lives. Trips and home renovations.  Grown kids. Grandkids. Husbands and health. Pets and gardens and pests. Day-to-day life — both mundane and magical.

One of our sister friends shared about feeling  deeply frustrated. She had quite willingly set aside all of her outside interests to care and advocate for her partner who suffered a rare form of cancer. She made space for the fierceness she needed to lead the fight.

And lead it she did. They won: appropriate treatment — still in the trial stage — and, were eventually declared cancer-free.

She made space for the fierceness needed to lead the fight. Click To Tweet

And now she was lost, she said. She was frustrated and angry about not being able to find a new passion. She told us that being well over eighty years old was not an excuse for passionlessness. Or for abandoning her quest. This attitude — and her transparency about being pissed off — is why she is one of my sheroes.

She told us that being well over eighty years old was no excuse for passionlessness. Click To Tweet

Another woman, a decade or so younger, was experiencing a similar struggling. She had regained some health while her husband had lost some. Also coming to her caretaker role with a positive attitude, she, too, worried about losing herself in the process — or maybe in the caretaker energy.

It takes a long time to build badass old ladies.

But just what does it mean to lose oneself? And what happens when we are lost?

I’m not where I expected to be, when I expected to be there. Damn. Click To Tweet

I immediately think about driving and getting lost. A late GPS instruction here… a missed turn there. Pretty soon it adds up to real inconvenience, doesn’t it? (And it never happens on a full tank of gas, either, does it?)

And “lost” is a funny term for this phenomenon. We’re not lost like the tiny back of our favorite fancy earrings — we’re just not where we expected to be, at the time expected. And in the case of that car ride from hell, rebooting the GPS or getting off at the next exit will likely fix us right up. Not so when we get lost in our lives.

But just like my care taking senior sisters, it’s not the actions I take that make me feel lost, it’s my expectations. I’m not where I expected to be, when I expected to be there. The first woman did not expect to have to go to war with insurance providers. She probably also didn’t expect her partner to survive. The second? Didn’t expect to survive herself. Having come through one of life’s giant detours, each of them is without a map or markers. Fewer friends. No set schedule. Interests by the wayside.

Who and what get picked back up and what becomes part of the litter left on the side of life’s big road? And how does one who feels lost go about making those decisions?

 

  9 Responses to “Are We Lost Yet?”

  1. I may have to write your quote “She told us that being well over eighty years old was no excuse for passionlessness” on a post-it note and stick it to my computer! What a grand reminder! Thanks for sharing.

  2. After my mother retired she made caring for her new husband her new passion and when he died she felt lost and purposeless. I love your friend’s attitude and motivation to find her new north. I am inspired to continue developing my interests so I have many passions to choose from! Thank you so much!

  3. “She told us that being well over eighty years old was not an excuse for passionlessness. Or for abandoning her quest.” Love this!! Finding and following your passions are priceless!

  4. It does take a long time to build badass old ladies. I love this question, “But just what does it mean to lose oneself? And what happens when we are lost?” We are going through this now with my husband Cody’s mother. Ramona (AKA MO) is as badass as they get, and in a good way. She may be leaving this earth soon. This has shaken everyone to the core as the stroke was unexpected. She is 86 and was still working as a teacher. Her quality of life is not one she would choose to stay living in. Her husband at 87 still works at the Palm Springs airport. They are amazing awesome and loved by all who know them. I learned from Mo who is full of passion even now – make every moment of every day count.

  5. Awesome! Thank you for sharing Andrea.

  6. Wow i would take time to talk with my angels and guides and get the answers to move back to joy

  7. I have to agree with your friend and while circumstances and situations vary greatly, we need to figure out how we want to spend and invest our later years, what quality of life we can sustain and enjoy and how we can make the most of every day. It’s not always easy but it really is worthwhile.

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

(required)

(required)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

WP2Social Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com