Nov 042014

Dear Customer Service


Dear John Customer Service,

I don’t mean to be petty, but I need to get this off my chest:   after the pain you’ve put me through, I don’t think our relationship can recover.   I suppose I could try to “be the bigger person” and say “it’s not you, it’s me” but that’s just not true.  You’ve been bloody awful.

Shhh.  Just hear me out.  I already know you’re part of a major national mobile phone service provider.  You’re a big deal.  I get it. It’s just not working out between us and, frankly, if I had another alternative, I would change providers.  The best I can do at the moment, however, is to break up with your customer service department..

[Tweet “The best I can do is to break up with your customer service department”]

We have been together for over a year and, frankly, it has been a tough one. Limp signals. Premature call drops.  I know “it happens to everyone sometimes” but the rest of the relationship just isn’t strong enough to hold me.

There’s no easy way to say it:  we need to stop seeing one each other.

You see, when I finally get desperate enough to ring you up,  you rarely “get it” on the first try. I call and ask you for what I pay for, burning up one of my precious hours: pressing “1,” holding, chatting, waiting, begging for it…  I’ve come to see that, in the world of cell phone service providers, romance and reality are pretty far apart.

And even THAT might be OK…  but…

You’re a stalker.

It seems that my hour with you, dear Customer Service,  is never enough.  I can’t satisfy you.  When I think we’ve resolved an issue and I don’t have to deal with you again you follow up with a survey.  If I answer it honestly (No, I really won’t recommend you to family and friends — because I like them) you send another.  When I tell you the truth and politely ask to be left alone what do you do?

You escalate.  You call me.  Repeatedly.

The bottom line?  I pay you for a service.  When you don’t deliver what you’ve promised? I drag myself through a customer service call.  As far as I’m concerned, when your (all very lovely) representatives promise to fix things?  I believe them.  That’s it. Game over.  Don’t freakin’ call me.

You say you’ll change… You say you need information… But we’ve been here before. Let me be clear: our contract in no way obligates me to waste my time providing you with… well, anything. I am not on your payroll.  My only obligation to you is to pay my bill.

[Tweet “You say you’ll change… but we’ve been here before.”]

And, at the risk of generating one more call from you?  No, I will not tell you if I’m planning to spend time with @AT&T, @Verizon, @Sprint or @T-Mobile.  It’s really not your business.

So, Customer Service, I think a clean break would be best for us all.  I’ve blocked your number and moved on. I hope you do, too.



  18 Responses to “Dear Customer Service….”

  1. I love this Andrea! As a former corporate trainer for Customer Service at FedEx, I know bad customer service when I get it! I never hesitate to tell them! Unfortunately the phone companies always seem to be the worst! Thanks for the giggle!

  2. Love it, Andrea. I have a hard time with poor customer service. Especially, when the wrong people are in those jobs and when those there are not empowered to provide solutions. Good for you for getting it out of your system! Love your humor and your writing!

  3. I’m not at all sure what happened, how we got here. It seems to me that there was a time when the term customer service meant the agent of the company assisting the customer. Now it seems to mean that the customer must wait interminably to be told that either there is no problem or there is no solution or that they will send someone out one of these days within a window of only, say, 8 hours when you must wait patiently at home or miss out. With a few notable exceptions, of course. I’m trying to believe there’s a lesson here that will eventually help me live better, but it’s tough. What I want is people who truly want to solve my problem so I can go on with my life and they with theirs. On the other hand, I’m really glad I don’t have their jobs, so there is that.
    Thanks for your humor. Maybe in the end that’s the lesson.

  4. This is so wonderful! You were right to end it, my dear. He just wasn’t good enough for you! xox, Reba

  5. Just as good today as it was last year. I adore your sense of humor. <3

  6. Delightful! Love your sense of humor! Write more, please…. 🙂

  7. I love it! Good for you for breaking up with $hitty service. And just maybe, you’ve given me the courage to publish the breakup letter to all my coaching clients. I just have to clean up all the language 😉 LOL

  8. Breaking up shouldn’t be hard to do! I laughed and sighed as I read through this. I just had two weeks of dealing with my ISP and could feel your pain!

    I’d love to create or see a high class definition of true customer service. What you experienced is definitely not that!!

    • Thanks, Laurie. I’m sorry you had to go through that. There’s definitely a systems problem — and everyone I have spoken with has been lovely… and smart. It would be nice if they were actually given the power to solve customers’ problems. My guess is they’re pretty frustrated, too.

  9. I so enjoyed this post…I hope the break-up lasts…it’s so tempting to go back! 😉

  10. This is hysterical and so true. What a fabulous break-up letter with a group that sounds like they know absolutely nothing about customer service!! I am giggling at the same time that I feel your pain. Hope it felt good to write this 🙂

  11. Oh Andrea, I feel your pain! You made my day…went to visit my Mom the other day and she was stuck on the phone with AT&T until I had to leave. She was NOT happy with them to say the least….

Care to share? Hearing from you makes my day!

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